Roshi's bad day
by wolfspace
Summary: Vegeta always knew Roshi was a bit of a perv, but it never ocured to him that Bulma might have been one of his fancyes. Also a tinsy bit of Goku/Chichi. This is my first fic ever so be brutal. I wan't to know exacty how aweful it is, and what coud be better. Hope you enjoy!


Bulma was sitting expectantly in her living room waiting for Vegeta to show. This year, this years he _had_ to remember! She had dropped enough reminders and for weeks! _This_ year he would remember her birthday… definitely… yeahhh…  
The afore mentioned finally took a break from training and stomped angrily past his waiting mate.  
She gave a small, commanding, your-forgetting-something cough. He stopped dead in his tracks and scowled over his shoulder at her "What?" he growled.  
"It's my birthday." She said evenly, sprinkling just the right amount of cheer on her words.  
He wasn't impressed "So?"  
Growing impatient, she elaborated "So! So you should wish me a happy birthday or give me a present or _go out with me_!" she was practically screeching the last four words. He almost flinched at the grating on his sensitive ears. He crossed his arms defiantly then turned to face her, glaring at her hoping to stare the woman down. After ten seconds of glowering at each other the prince cast a lazy glance about the room. His gaze landed on a random book, which he picked up and handed her "Here. Happy birth day." He said abruptly. She stared at the object incredulously. She huffed in disbelief "Seriously?"  
A low growl emanated from deep inside his throat. She sighed "Okay… maybe we should just go out some place?"  
"I'm not keeping you here." He muttered irritably "Go visit Roshi for all I care." he growled scowling irritably.  
She laughed mirthlessly "Yes! Of course! Because I really want to be felt up by _him_ on my birthday!"  
Vegeta's manner suddenly changed from irritated-at-stupid-human-things to what-did-you-just-say-?. "He touched you…" he muttered more to himself really, trying processing his sudden primal rage clouding his vision red. Bulma wasn't quite sure how to react so she just continued- cautiously "Maybe we could go to the beach though…"  
He wasn't listening. Actually he couldn't hear her over his blood pounding with fury.  
He left without another word.  
"Uh, Vegeta?" Bulma asked the saiyans back. The only response she got was the slamming door.

Thirty minutes later the phone rang. A nagging intuition told Bulma that it had to do with her husband's departure. She picked up the phone. Krillin's panicked voice blared out of the receiver "_Vegeta just beat up Master Roshi! He said he's taking him to Goku's place_!"

Meanwhile at the Son's house, it's a peaceful morning Goku and Gohan are eating mountains of cereal while Chi-Chi was enjoying the blessedly _normal_ moment. The door burst open with a resonating crack. In the entry stood a furious Vegeta… with a mattered and obviously beat figure dragged by the ankles. "How do you cook it?" The saiyan prince demands without any explanation.  
Gohan chirped cheerily "Hello Mr. Vegeta!" then seeing the creature in tow "Is… is that Master Roshi?" The young boys eyes wide with a mixture of horror and disbelief.  
"It was." Vegeta growls menacingly.  
Goku stops eating for a moment "Um Vegeta… that's a little harsh."  
Vegeta cuts in "He touched my woman." He says simply.  
Goku stops to consider "Well… I suppose I'd be pretty upset if master Roshi tried to touch Chi-Chi."  
Still somewhat dazed by the sudden appearance of the prince Chi-Chi puts in "He did grab my butt once…"  
Goku's face immediately becomes murderous "Deep fried." He decides. That would have been the end of the turtle hermit, as Goku was already collecting the required oil and cutlery, if Piccolo hadn't showed up to collect Gohan for a sparring session.  
"What's going on here? "The Namek barked impatiently.  
"Mr. Piccolo!" Gohan's voice betrayed an edge of panic "Vegeta and Daddy want to _eat_ Master Roshi!"  
Piccolo blinked "So?"  
"But Mr. Piccolo! Master Roshi's our friend!" Gohan pleaded. Piccolo looked as if he wanted to object to that but swallowed his opinion when he saw the true fear in the boys eyes "Um… Goku… Vegeta…listen, I'm really not one to ah… defend Roshi but … I mean what did he do anyway?"  
The two saiyans said in union "Mess with _my_ woman!"  
"Oh…" Piccolo thought that was as fine reason as any to get rid of the old man but Gohan was counting on him. "Well... uh... why don't you just raid his house? As revenge or something… You know… uh… I'm sure that would settle the pride problem right?" Both saiyans turned at the namek making very obvious that it would _not_ settle the problem. Piccolo continued hastily "And besides, you'll uh probably need Roshi later… I guess…just in case…" Goku stopped his search for a suitable pot and frowned at his former teacher "I guess." He said, looking over at Vegeta who scowled but nodded slowly. The two men came to a silent agreement, grabbed the slowly reawakening elder by the wrists and ankles and marched him outside. The perplexed trio, still inside, looked at each other in confusion. Then they herd Goku ask frostily from outside "You want the honors?"  
"All yours, Kakorott."  
"Very kind of you Vegeta."  
A swooshing sound followed by the distantly fading screams of the now air borne Roshi were heard.  
Then the farewell grunts of two pissed saiyans, Vegeta took off back towards Roshi's place while Goku went back inside, shaking his head.  
Gohan asked hesitantly "Uh…Dad, where's Master Roshi now?"  
Goku ground his teeth "Now? Probably at Corens' tower."

Coren's tower; Dende and Mr. Popo were finishing a breakfast of water and fruit when a terrified scream broke the meditative silence. It grew louder and louder.  
Dende squinted at the sky "Is that Master Roshi?"  
SPLAT!  
Dende gasped and immediately started healing the abused man.  
"I'll go get the mop." Mr. Popo said solemnly.

Hours later at Capsule Corp. compound; Vegeta lands in front of the main house, where Bulma is pacing up and down.  
"You!" she yells accusatorily, then notices the large ish cardboard box Vegeta is carrying. "What's that?" she asks hesitantly, her mind finding parts of the old man in the box.  
"You're present." Vegeta clarifies, smirking in a self-satisfied way, placing the box at her feet.  
Swallowing nervously she forces herself to open the box. To her utter relief and delight she doesn't find bits of Roshi in the box, instead she finds a set of beautiful dishware.  
"Ooh! Vegeta! Wow... these are beautiful! I just _love_ theses dragons!" She examines a few dishes "Oh this one chipped." she notes absently, still delighted that she got a gift at all.  
"Its second hand." Vegeta says still smirking.  
"Well it's the thought that counts." She smiles broadly (making his throat go dry and his stomach flip at least twice) and kisses the prince. After a few seconds she breaks away and reexamines her gift, "Although…"she says slowly "They do seem a bit familiar…"  
Changing the subject Vegeta wraps a strong arm around her waist and growls suggestively "Beach?"

Hours after that, at Roshi's place. A moaning Roshi is holding an ice pack to his… everywhere… and wondering what happened to his best china set…. and his quilts… and his books… and his turtle shell collection…

The end


End file.
